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Today we air the fifth and final segment of our series, "The Hidden Sides of Abuse." In this morning's report, KSMU's Jennifer Moore shows how the tiniest victims of domestic violence are often the most overlooked. The name of the child in this report has been changed to protect his identity.
Children only get one chance at childhood.
When children wake up after hearing a night of yelling, and the house is trashed and mommy has a bruise on her face, they lose what should be the birthright of every child: innocence.
What's more, research strongly indicates that both boys and girls learn to mimic the behaviors of adults in their homes. In abusive families, this means the cycle of violence perpetuates, and that tomorrow's abusers and victims are being trained this very moment.
Jane Knabb works as Outreach coordinator at the Family Violence Center in Springfield. The 100-bed shelter they house is currently operating at full capacity.
She says girls who witness violence in their homes tend to internalize their anger and develop eating disorders as well as drug and alcohol addictions.
"Little girls have a distrust of men. But when they do start having relationships, they end up finding these guys who are abusive, because it seems familiar. And if you grow up thinking that screaming and yelling and pushing are part of a love relationship, that's exactly what you look for," she says.
One mother in a battered women's shelter in Springfield did not want to record her voice talking on this subject. But she told me she realized how badly her 5-year-old daughter had been affected when she discovered she had removed all of the male dolls from her dollhouse, put them in the trashcan and covered them up with several blankets and a pillow.
At another shelter, this one in Christian County, a four year old boy, we'll call him "Alex," approached me and began talking about his favorite superhero.
Unfortunately, Alex's little eyes and ears have already witnessed traumatic events which will most likely remain with him for the rest of his life.
Knabb says boys, as opposed to girls, tend to lash out as a result of witnessing domestic violence.
"If they have witnessed domestic violence, they are 500 times more likely to become abusers. They are very violent. They are the bullies in school," she says.
Boys also tend to become disrespectful toward girls and women, and learn the only way to solve problems is by force.
Greg Shank, a social worker with the Boys and Girls Town in Springfield, works as a counselor for families struggling with abuse and neglect. He said the kids he sees are seriously traumatized by domestic violence.
"When a child sees their parents fighting, I think the primary things they experience are fear, uncertainty, confusion, insecurity, a lack of stability, and anger," he says.
His message for parents who fight in front of their children is simple:
"Stop doing it. It doesn't need to happen in front of the kids. It's bad enough it happens anyway. But if the parents or two adults cannot resolve their problems in an amicable manner, then definitely seek some kind of outside help," he says.
Children growing up in violent homes are everywhere; they go to the same schools, churches and play groups as everyone else, and come from all walks of life. They need to be told the violence is not their fault, and they need positive role models.
Knabb says she's heard women say, "Oh, he was just violent with me. He never abused the children." But that's incorrect, she says: any act of violence when there are children present is child abuse.
For KSMU News, I'm Jennifer Moore in Springfield.
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